Shopping with your mother

I forgot why I don't like to go shopping with my mother. So today, while shopping for the min-Van, I got a refresher course:
1. Mother drives 5 to 10 miles under the speed limit and never bothers to look in her rear view mirror to notice that someone is ALWAYS tailgating her. I should have driven yes, but I had also forgotten why I should drive when we're together.
2. When pulling into a large parking lot, mom has no ambition what-so-ever to find a "closer spot". Now I wouldn't mind walking if I didn't have what feels like a full sized van strapped to my waist. Mom doesn't even look for a closer spot. She simply pulls in and parks.
3. Mother INSISTED we would find the pajamas I wanted to get at Sears and I could NOT convince her otherwise. Sears, as expected was TERRIBLE.
4. Mom thinks pajamas should be satiny, floral, with a button down top and a collar. And a little pocket on the front for kleenex. She scoffed when I told her I preferred the black yoga pants and a t-shirt.
5. Mother cannot live with the idea that I might walk around my hospital room without a pair of slippers on. Socks just aren't good enough. I personally hate slippers as they make my feet hot. So I amused her by letting her pick out a "nice pair of slippers" for me, as she puts it. I'll wear them when she's there...
6. Mom is the most frugal woman EVER. She looks through the clearance sections like those are the only things for sale. And it's with absolute disdain, on her part, to buy anything, however inexpensive, that is not on sale. The woman isn't poor either for chrissake.
7. And the best part of my day was finding out that Mom had no clue how the whole "write in the tip on your restaurant reciept" thing worked when we went out to lunch. I have no idea how she's gotten this far in life NOT knowing how this works...as we are a society that likes to go out to eat, drink, what have you. After a brief explanation mom says loudly in front of the cashier "what's keeping someone from writing in a bigger amount". I say "that's just how we do it", like she's from another universe. She kind of is.

oh but what goes around comes around. My nine-year-old asked me not to talk during the open house visit at his school because I am "embarassing". Apparently it's not just talking but my very presence that's starting to embarass him.